Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good… Now obey my voice; I will give you advice, and God be with you! You shall represent the people before God and bring their cases to God.” — Exodus 18: 17, 19 ESV
When we correct or advise someone, we desire to see the person take it on board and make changes. However, sometimes the person giving advice may just be creating barriers or problems for the person they are trying to help, especially in how the advice is given. When giving advice to adults, we need to take care that it is not done harshly, disrespectfully, or even rudely.
Before you advise or correct someone, it might be helpful to consider these 4 words – what, why, how and when. Most importantly, do it lovingly and prayerfully.
In Exodus 18, Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law visited Moses and the Israelites while they were in the wilderness. While he was there, he observed the activities of the Israelites and Moses’ leadership and thought that something wasn’t quite right and that things could be done better. He used a what, why, how and when approach in giving Moses advice. I think when advising others, this approach is a good example to follow.
What? — Before Jethro gave his advice, he asked questions. “‘When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he asked, ‘What are you really accomplishing here? Why are you trying to do all this alone while everyone stands around you from morning till evening?’” Exodus 18:14 (NLT)
I think with these questions Jethro was trying to understand the context behind Moses’ actions. He also had a good relationship with his son-in-law which allowed him to approach him in the way he did. When trying to advise others, there are 2 whats to consider – What is the context behind their actions? Also, what is your relationship with the person? For example, a parent, sibling, spouse, close friend, colleague or acquaintance. The relationship helps determine the approach to take.
Why? — “Moses replied, ‘Because the people come to me to get a ruling from God. When a dispute arises, they come to me, and I am the one who settles the case between the quarreling parties. I inform the people of God’s decrees and give them his instructions.’” Exodus 18:15-16 (NLT)
After Moses’ explanation, Jethro explained why his actions were wrong. “‘This is not good!’ Moses’ father-in-law exclaimed. ‘You’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself.’” Exodus 18:17-18 (NLT)
It is easy to correct or rebuke others, however, explaining why their actions are wrong will help them see your point of view. And hopefully, show that you’ve got their best interest at heart.
It is pertinent to say here that you don’t have control over how or if the one being corrected or advised will receive and accept your correction.
Certain barriers will prevent someone from accepting correction. These can be seniority, pride, ego, and spiritual superiority. This is another topic for another day!
However, we will discuss the How and When in the next blog.
Stay blessed,
LaraLex
Hills and Valleys 